There’s a poem I read at the end of class about letting go, and how you can’t just let go completely straight away.
As I read it the other day it showed a whole new meaning to me, things I thought I’d worked through and let go of have returned, yes with much less grip and with more awareness from myself but still they are there.
Throughout our lives we go through transformations, sometimes these are invisible to the world and sometimes they are hugely on show, and through each transformation there can be a chance to slip into old ways, that moment just before the transformation is fulfilled and fear may step in, sometimes we notice those moments, sometimes they sneakily attach themselves to us, but sooner or later we notice an old pattern has returned, a way of thinking, a way of behaving, a way of eating, a way of being.
There’s no surprise here, when change occurs it can not only be liberating, but scary too, so to drop into our old ways can feel comforting at first, until we realise that the comfort has turned to discomfort and the love we once felt has turned to fear. I’ve been working on drawing myself back out of a fear narrative that I had fallen into once more, I’d found myself waiting for the next thing to go wrong rather than seeing the positives in the world, a simple thought process that changes the whole way you see the world.
But I’m not beating myself up about it, it’s all growth in its own way. Sometimes people say to me I feel like I’ve gone backwards, you never go backwards, you just hold back on with a little less force, but each time you slip into those old ways you know there’s a way out, and you know what it feels like the other side. Megs xxx