They say that time heals, and it is true, but only if you let it.
Time can pass and nothing can happen but more layers placed over the wounds, never really allowing the wounds to air and just causing the pain to go deeper. But if you fully bare your wound, allow the air, the light and cleansing of nature to take effect then time does heal.
I spent many years holding everything in, before you would have known me and by doing so I formed a different me, but I can truly say by having this time, the culmination of the build up to the wedding and then the few weeks I've had to really give myself time I feel a different woman. I feel lighter, I feel so open, I feel me.
So time can heal, but you need to give yourself that time, my fear was if I gave myself that time I would fall completely apart and never be able to put myself together again. But being surrounded by the most beautiful people, and having my tools I've been given through yoga and my horses I have found that instead of falling apart I have grown ever stronger. I have fallen back in live with the parts of me that I was ashamed of, I have made peace with the girl that made mistakes, that was horrid at times and selfish at others, I have accepted her back in and I have felt her pain, but I have also felt love for her.
I sit here now feeling blessed for the life I lead, for the ups and the downs, for the ability to finally get it out of me and for the peace I feel inside.
I always talk about layers, and yes I may delve and find a deeper layer at another time, but the healing I needed to do on this layer has been done.
I will continue to sit every day and write, with no purpose but to let my mind clear out the junk that it holds in its closet, I will continue to spring clean my body making sure I'm not holding onto things that can be let go of and I will continue to give myself time.
Because I'm not afraid any more, I'm not afraid of the stillness, of the silence, of time, I'm not afraid of the darkness I had inside as I know that once light shines there it can heal.
I expected to not feel like this so quickly, I expected to be dealing with trauma for longer, but I was ready to shed that final baggage of the past and I'm ready for this next amazing chapter, this chapter is going to be a chapter of love, of loving myself, my surroundings, of earth and of the amazing people I have been gifted in my life, this chapter isn't going to be fear based, doing things to make others like me, this chapter is going to be doing things from a place of love.
I'm so excited to see where love can take me, take us, I'm so excited to own my whole self, and I'm so excited to feel this amazing energy run into every cell of my being, the energy of love.
So if I could give you one piece of advice, if you have wounds you know that you never healed, find a safe and nourishing space and give yourself time, because time does heal, if you let it.